The Misadventures of Joshua

Night Supervisor sent me this link
to this little parody.



THE GIRLS
OF THE HILLS
VISIT IRAQ.

BY WENDY MOLYNEUX

- - - -

(LAUREN, AUDRINA, and WHITNEY walk along a desert highway, escorted by U.S. soldiers.)

AUDRINA: Oh my God. This is sad.

LAUREN: It is sad.

WHITNEY: It's sad.

AUDRINA: It's so sad.

LAUREN: So sad.

(Long pause.)

LAUREN: When you think about it, it's sad.

(LAUREN's Sidekick beeps.)

WHITNEY: Who's texting you?

AUDRINA: Is it Brody?

LAUREN: Yeah.

AUDRINA: Oh my God, he loves you.

WHITNEY: Oh my God, that soldier looks like he's, like, 18.

LAUREN: He does not love me. We're friends.

WHITNEY: He's younger than us.

AUDRINA: Brody is not younger than us! You're so crazy, Whitney.

WHITNEY: Wow, he's younger than us and he's over here without his parents, going out on patrol every day with no idea as to whether he'll come back.

LAUREN: Oh my God!

AUDRINA: What?

LAUREN: Brody saw Spencer and Heidi last night at Opera. And Spencer danced with another girl.

AUDRINA: Oh my God! That's crazy.

WHITNEY: It is crazy. Why do you think we send off to war our youngest and most vulnerable, those who could stay to build our nation, when time and again these wars prove themselves to be fools' errands? It has to be more than the economic need to support the military-industrial complex. It seems like there's also a need to restore the heroic, youthful face of post–World War II America with a victory abroad, yet we ensure that that symbolic face is corrupted and annihilated by choosing conflicts that can only controvert that image.

(LAUREN's Sidekick beeps again.)

LAUREN: No way!

WHITNEY: You disagree? Look at that soldier.

LAUREN: Heidi just texted me that she and Spencer broke up!

AUDRINA: No!

LAUREN: This is huge.

WHITNEY: I fucking hate you guys.

(A shot rings out. WHITNEY drops out of frame.)

AUDRINA: I want, like, a juice or something.

LAUREN: Brody does kind of love me, huh?

AUDRINA: Yeah.

+ So a lot bizarre occurrences have taken place in my life this summer. Some funny , some dramatic, some riveting and some just downright sad. Now that I am home for the summer it is time for me to play french horn community whore to whatever job I can get. ( Within reason, I still would like to think I have some sort of dignity, well, in my career anyway) I received my typical call to play twelve or so concerts in the parks around town. Or what I like to think of whoring myself to Sousa.

+At the beginning of Summer, I had a job dumped on me by another horn player. This horn player is a former student of my current horn studio teacher. Horn Studio Teacher has three studios, My college horn studio, a college studio at a rich-ass , I wipe my ass with tens and twenties, liberal arts college, and a high school studio. She still keeps in touch with most of her former high school studio who now all go to conservatories. Or her fourth studio I would like to call, her Jesus Christ Studio, because I could shit gold bricks and marry Jennifer Aniston and win a Pulitzer, but I will not even come close to her Jesus Christ students because I am at my college. But I digress. So one of the Jesus Christ horn players unloaded a gig onto me one weekend, I thought to myself, "What the hell, I have nothing going on so far..." , etc etc... So it was $50 to play this 3 minute piece with a community choir. It wasn't bad. I also played a brass chamber concert, and a couple other things here and there.

+ I desperately want to do a recital. I am trying to one with my friend, Soprano. I'm really hoping that works out. If not I'm going to go ahead and plan one somewhere somehow. I need to play some serious repertoire.

+ So I recently got very upset with Horn Studio Teacher and while she was away in Holland or Guadalajara or something, I attempted to take a lesson with someone else who I will just refer to as Alternate Horn Studio Teacher. Alternate horn studio teacher was great, but just seemed very bitter and not so much encouraging of what I want to do in life and flat out told me that she was not leaning towards practicing hard to get high level jobs and just enjoyed her alternate job in an alternate field. And then she went in how she is coming to the place in time where she has to decide whether or not she's going to practice to go into a more intense playing field or just staying as is, and she is leaning towards the later. Which just baffled me completely and made me more confused than ever about my future and a career in music.

+ In closing, I will leave you with a lovely snippet of a conversation between me and Night Time Supervisor......


JOSHUA: The title of my entry is going to be "Whoring Myself to Sousa"

NTS : oh my god

NTS: we had to watch some horrible movie about him every year when I was in band, and then after the teacher was like , " and what instrument was named after him? Huh? Hm? Does anyone know?"

JOSHUA: ......

NTS: exactly.




Ps. If you do not know the answer to that question, you don't deserve to exist.

+ So I am back. Not only am I back, but I am on my new and improved laptop. It is a mac, or what I like to call, a deity in a box. Mmm....technological holiness. So there is much I need to talk about and update on in my blog now that I am on a laptop that will not explode every time I attempt to ....you know, do things. So there is much to talk about since last being here. Such as, my new found singledom, my niece's dance recital , and just general observations while living in Fulton County.

+ Ta Da! So real internet was finally installed today. No more bad dial-up and no more stealing neighbors crappy wireless internet. Now I can continue with my livejournal and my intense porn addiction. Er. I mean.....yeah. 

+ I am currently taking a summer course at Saint Rose this summer.  It is Environmental Science. It is sucky. Lucky for me, my friend Rachel's roomate is in my class. The class is small and consists of this really bitchy girl, an older woman, who I am not so sure knows where she is most of the time, and 3  girls who do not say a word. Only ten classes left !  

+ So I had my first gig of the summer.  It was performing a piece with the Clifton Park Community Choir. The piece was fairly simple and I read it with them before the concert and got $50. Basically I earned it by turning pages for the drum set player. Now, those of us who are musicians are thinking, " Drum set players have music, you turn pages, what !? "  Basically, he had a choir scores for every piece and thats what he needed to have turned.  Starting out as a free-lance musician means you take what you can get. Basically tossing your integrity aside to be able to pay the bills. You know, like when I play Sousa all summer long. 

+PS. Night Supervisor has a new obsession. More to come.

+  Live from Where? Exactly. So I am home for the summer (mostly).  I technically move out of my apartment at the end of May and I am home in Gloversville until graduate school. I have mixed feelings of being here. It is geat to be away from the dramatic and unecessary actions of  people , but at the same time it gets extremely lonely realizing I have no one to call up and hang out with. Nevertheless, its a new chapter and I am ready for it . 

+So I have decided to once again start a blog.  I know, an online site that promotes people's free speech and ability to express their opinions is NO place for me to be. However, Im sure most of you will just find this amusing. To avoid any lawsuits all names will be somewhat changed to protect the innocent and the satisfied. Or something.

+To bring everyone up to speed I am going to put an actual about me so any references will be cleared up. So after an excruciating day of finals I am now working at the illustrious College Library. I am the only one working all day. I am about to head out on my dinner "break" which should prove to be interesting.

+ So I am here again at work with the Night Supervisor. Night Supervisor is currently obsessed with the british comedian, Russell Brand. Her response to that last statement was "He's pretty". Night Supervisor keeps whispering it in what I like to call her creepy voice. She tends to have obsessions, the last one being Flight of the Conchords, the musical Spring Awakening, the television show Dexter, among others. As far as her creepy voice goes, its really kind of scary. This one time, she saw my AIM buddy list of a whopping 35 people and she goes " You have alot of friends. I want friends. "  and it was scary . It scarred me. I felt the need to file for a sexual harassment suit. Night Supervisor feels the need that I should have a phoenetical spelling of harassment because I say it funny. Kind of like hair-ass-ment.  I dont know why I say it such a fashion. But Night Supervisor pees over it. This entire time I have been reading what I have been writing aloud , defeating the purpose of a online blog. So Night Supervisor just felt the need to link my blog to hers. Because she just wrote about Russel Brand, therefore she will have someone writing about her writing about Russel Brand. I find it a bit excessive. Night Supervisor just called me "Unit", again, I feel the need to file for a sexual HAIRASSMENT suit.  I dont know why she did because I just excalimed "IT'S G'ON RAIN". Night Supervisor just clarified. She called me by an actual person's name that sounds like Unit. 

+ So I just experienced quite the episode.  Part Time Night Supervisor came in. Now, the story with PTNS is that he lost a bet and had the word " AWKWARD" tatooed ON his ass (I had tatooed to his ass but Night Supervisor had just yelled at me to change it to ON his ass. ) Anyway, I digress. So anytime I see PTNS he feels the need to say "Hey Josh, want to see something Awkard?" And of course, I say no. But he always pulls his pants down and somehow finds a way for me to see it . So just now, he lifted his ass up on to the counter and put his ass on my cell phone. If that is not sexual hairassment, I dont know what is. 

+ interjection - Night Supervisor just called me fat. I can not remember how, but she did. 

+ interjection - LUCILLE BEER just returned a book.  And then said I played beautifully in convocation.  With that I leave you with a video of the brilliance of Lucille Beer.